He Said… She Said

by Mark Pleiss and Mindy Marks

I’m so fed up with meeting guys!

They either get obsessed and call 20 times a day – declaring their feelings way too early – or I think things are going really well and they never call. I’ve had it.

Seriously, am I doing something to cause these crazy reactions?

-Hanging Up

Mark Says:

Let me begin by saying this to suitors everywhere. We live in the caller-identification era. Proper calling etiquette in uncertain relationships consists of calling one to two times the first two days, then one call a day in the two days following. After that, the dream’s over, give up.

I apologize for that 20-call thing on behalf of my sexuality.

But you asked if you’re doing something wrong to cause these reactions. The answer isn’t that men are biologically bred into “jerkdom” and it’s all their fault, despite the belief of my female counterpart.

Rather, you must understand that the game of man and woman is brutal. Things fall apart for men just as they do women – we all get fed up with the mystery of phone calls. That’s how it works.

The only advice I leave you with is to look within and find out whether you’re actually the one coming on too strong, too early.

Such a situation would cause me to either quit calling, or profess my love too early.

Mindy Says:

I feel a restraining order coming on. If a guy calls you 20 times a day you should really stick the Indianola Police Department on him. His stalker tendencies are unwarranted and unnecessary. Even if you sincerely like a guy it’s not healthy to focus that much on each other, you both should have other priorities – school?

As for never calling, maybe he’s just not that into you. Greg Behrendt (former “Sex and the City” writer) and Liz Tuccillo wrote “He’s Just Not That Into You,” where they supposedly reveal what guys really think when they’re dating. I don’t know that anyone can really figure men out, but they give it a good try.

Read it. You’ll come away thinking, “Maybe he’s just not that into me. It happens to everyone at some point. It’s not the end of the world.” It may not feel good at the time, but it’ll get better.

It’s unfortunate that guys have to be on one extreme or the other.

Men’s phone habits are like the weather in Iowa. Either too hot or too cold, and you only get a few weeks of comfortable weather a year.



Crazy, in and of itself, is a relative term. Without more information, I have no idea what is going on. But, given that you are the only consistent piece of this puzzle, it might well be something that you are doing. Take a deep breath, relax, work on being the best you, pick healthier guys and let the relationship unfold.

As Oprah says, if he does not call, he’s just not that into you. Let it go. If he calls 20 times, get a “no contact order.” It can only get worse.