My roomies have advised me to contact the “idiots” who write this piece … So here I am. I’m in a long-term relationship, but lately I’ve been really frustrated. It feels like we’re going to stay friends and bed-buddies forever. I’m getting tired of wondering what’s going to happen when I graduate. And I don’t want to push him to commit (OK, so I do, but it’s a bad idea). Should I just quit on the relationship now? Or is there some way to settle this?
By long-term, I’m assuming this is a relationship of a few years, and when you say “when I graduate,” I’m assuming you’re a junior or senior. If neither of these assumptions is true, then you’re just worrying too much. If this has been going on for less than a year, then you may want to recheck the depth of the relationship, and if you aren’t older, you’re just worrying too much about the future.
If you’re one of those who has to have security, then yes, I would corner him and demand an inquiry into the future. But you must also remember you’re young, as is he – unless he’s 40, which would be something completely different and weird. A lot of people, including myself, fear commitment at such a young age. We’re in college, a supermarket of tastes, and though we have our favorites, variety is also something worth enjoying.
And do tell your roommates the “idiot” says hi.
It sounds like you’re saying you’re not happy with your current situation and he isn’t in any hurry to address the future.
It’s time to consult the old cliché: it’s not what you say, but how you say it. Your timing here is everything so broach the subject at an appropriate time and location.
Explain your position and try to draw him out.
If he still refuses to open up and talk about it then you have two choices.
You can either stop worrying about the future and enjoy what you two have now or get out and find happiness within yourself.
Relationships don’t come with guarantees. Try to figure out what will make you the happiest and what you want to work toward.
Change is like going to the dentist. It’s not always enjoyable, but it’s necessary.
Voice of Reason
Let’s put a few things into perspective. You refer to him as your bed-buddy – does this mean you don’t really think of him as an intellectual partner or a person with whom you could spend a long amount of time with?
The upcoming graduation presents an entirely new set of questions. For someone to stay with you through a probable move, new job, perhaps living together, that is a huge commitment. You sound as if you’re not even sure you want to be together, and his feelings seem even more vague.
I would suggest you end things while they’re still civil, and embrace a new life as an independent, smart and content female.