Last week my boyfriend and I were fooling around in the park and had sex in the gazebo. At the time I was fine with it, it was nighttime and no one was around. Now he wants to continue this exhibitionist activity and it makes me really nervous! I understand why he wants to do it again, but I don’t know if I can. What should I tell him?
-Public Displays of Affection
In the gazebo, eh? Kinky.
For as much as I’d like to keep the sex flowing into our notoriously debaucherous gazebo, I must say sex is a two-partner operation. It’s clear that you’re not having sex for the “making love” aspect, therefore it’s a matter of pleasure – and if you aren’t getting a slice of that, why are doing it in the first place?
In the end it’s pretty simple. You just say ‘I don’t want to.’ I’m sure he would understand your reasoning. If he doesn’t, and wants to be angry, fine. Let him be.
Or, you could go along with the gazebo thing and then take him to a place he’d find uncomfortable, but you’d be comfortable in. I don’t know if you’d enjoy them, but women’s bathrooms and tampon aisles are a good place to start.
Be creative or be strong. The decision is yours.
Sick people study in the gazebo! I don’t want to see that. You’re not comfortable with it and I’m not comfortable seeing it.
Seriously, just tell him how you feel. If you want your relationship to succeed, you have to talk about both the comfortable and the uncomfortable subjects.
Perhaps you even have a point of view he hasn’t considered. If you both want to be happy, keep the conversations flowing – you may even find out there are some things he’s not comfortable with.
If you’re in this for sexual satisfaction, there are plenty of other things you can experiment with – in private. Pick up a Cosmopolitan, “Karma Sutra” or anything from Romantix – The Simp probably isn’t your best source.
Having sex in public is like plagiarizing a paper – you’re just asking to get caught.
AREA COORDINATOR FOR PICKEN AND BUXTON
Don’t feel alone, everyone at some time or another has gotten caught up in the moment and done something that, while amazing, makes you wonder if you really want to do it again. But just because you succumbed to the moment once doesn’t mean you have to do it again. If you’re really not comfortable doing the deed in public you just need to let your boyfriend know. Tell him that while you enjoyed it that one time and, heck, you might even be willing to do it again at another time, that time isn’t now. It’s great that you were able to experience something with your boyfriend that you both found exciting and fulfilling. Just remember there are lots of ways to make sex a bit more fun and exciting. If he seems a bit bummed that you denied his outdoor adventure, suggest something you would like – fuzzy pink handcuffs, chocolate sauce, sexy underwear – and he will soon forget his disappointment.