He said… She Said

My roommate has a boyfriend she talks to for extended hours every night. I never really thought anything about it at first, but lately I have been noticing things. She always talks to him very quietly, but I always just thought it was because she wanted her privacy. One day I walked into our room, and she got very quiet. After she got off the phone she went to the bathroom. I now notice she always goes to the bathroom after she gets off the phone. I think she is having phone sex. Should I confront her about it or should I pretend that I don’t know anything is going on?



Roommate politics are always a touchy subject. Although I understand her behavior may make you feel uncomfortable, she’s an adult and has the right to make her own decisions. One of the greatest freedoms of going to college is moving away from watchful parents.

Your roommate is entitled to express herself without the concern of judging eyes. From the horror stories I’ve heard, you might want to consider yourself lucky that she’s having sex over the phone, and not in the bunk above you.

I know suppressing your feelings seems unfair, but confrontation will not solve the situation because you lack a valid reason for altering her behavior. From your description, your roommate whispers when she is on the phone, stops talking when you enter the room and then excuses herself for her “alone time.”

Her behavior appears to be nothing but discreet and respectful. Things could be much worse – she could be using speaker phone.

You also have to take into consideration the context of the situation. If your roommate is involved in a long-distance relationship, phone sex might be her only outlet for sexual gratification.

I’m impressed that she is comfortable enough with herself and her relationship to express herself in a nontraditional way.

To avoid further awkwardness, make your presence known when entering the room if you know she’s on the phone. This respectful behavior is a two-way street.

When she’s engaged in a heated conversation, don’t feel pressured to leave the room. Just as she has the right to experience phone sex, you have the right to be in your room. However, I would suggest getting a bite to eat the next time you notice her phone is on vibrate.

Ryan Steinbach

I hate it when my roommate submits questions! But seriously, reality check: YOU’RE IN COLLEGE! I know that you’re most likely from a small town as the majority of Simpson students are and that if it was anything like my small town, you’ve probably led what one would call a “sheltered life.” Coming to Simpson was probably not that life-altering for you either since the last time I checked, in the area of diversity, we don’t have much.

Nonetheless, going to college is suppose to be a horizon-expanding experience, and you are about to get your first lesson. It’s time to realize you’re not always going to approve of everything your roommate does. You are two people who, until six months ago, had probably never met. Maybe you were paired-up based on only a dozen superficial questions. Chances are, you’re not exactly soul mates.

With that said, if the worst thing your roommate does is have phone sex with her boyfriend, you’ve got it pretty cushy. At least that boyfriend isn’t staying in your dorm room every night making it impossible for you to change or have any privacy. Or be grateful she isn’t bringing home loud, drinking parties when you’re trying to sleep. My point is to stop worrying about the harmless, sexual vices of your roommate and think more about what’s going on in your own life.

Honestly, what would it change if you did ask her about her phone conversations? Either she’d deny it and you’d look like an idiot, or she’d confirm it and you’d both be embarrassed. Both scenarios make for awkward situations that won’t really accomplish anything.

No matter how you look at it, in the grand scheme of things, your roommate’s sexual relationship with her boyfriend really isn’t any of your business. Give her some privacy and some credit for being able to make her long-distance relationship last.

Ellie Ankeny