Here’s a real question for you – I know, it’s a first! Last year, I slept with an engaged student. Since then, he and I have remained friends, talking a lot. A few days ago, we slept in the same room, but nothing happened. I’m wondering, should I tell his fiane? I mean, I’m friends with him, but don’t really want a relationship with him. But I do think what he’s doing is wrong because he’s engaged. What should I do?
Have you ever heard the saying, “don’t kill the messenger?” It warns us if you deliver bad news, you will receive the repercussions even if you are not to blame – which you partially are. Therefore, if you plan on enlightening this woman, you might want to watch “Dodgeball” or review “Jerry Springer” before blurting out, “I slept with your man!”
Although I find it admirable you want to expose the truth, especially since it incriminates yourself, this confession is not your responsibility.
You have to ask yourself: why do I want to get involved? Do I genuinely care about the girlfriend or do I want to alleviate feelings of guilt?
If you decide to take action because it is the right thing to do, your next task is deciding how to break the news. Sending her a text message or writing, “You might want to cancel the cake,” on her dry-erase board doesn’t exactly scream sensitivity.
I would suggest talking to your friend instead of the girlfriend. Try to convince him to confess. Although both of you were in the wrong, he should be the one to deliver the news and receive the wrath that awaits him.
However, if he refuses to confess, then you’re forced into another difficult decision. Are you prepared to tell her? Will you come out looking like the hero or the villain? And if you are depicted as the villain, are you willing to purchase a hairless cat named Mr. Bigglesworth?
Personally, I would be afraid to drop such a bomb. I’ve seen too many movies featuring irate girlfriends throwing random objects at their cheating boyfriends. Do you really want to be target practice?
Perhaps a safe way to deliver the news would be leaving a sticky note on her computer that says, “I’m sorry. He cheated. Don’t hate me.” Whoever thought Indianola would have issues with sex in the city?
Wait a minute, are you the one who’s engaged?
NO! I understand that you’re probably feeling a little guilty but at the same time, you’re not the one that is in a committed relationship. It’s only your responsibility to pipe up if she’s your friend, too.
The dating rule of thumb is that you are accountable to your own friends, boyfriends, fians, etc. If she was your friend before he was, you should ‘fess up.’ If that’s the case, stop reading this column and immediately go talk to her.
Yes, this might cause the most drama of your life thus far, but you at least owe it to your friend so she knows who she’s marrying.
But, if you’re not friends with his fiane, or even know her, it is his responsibility to come clean. Think of how the situation would pan out if you told her yourself. You’d tell her, she probably wouldn’t believe you, he’d deny it, she’d believe him and they’d end up happily ever after, back at square one. And honestly, why should she believe you?
You’re not her friend. She’ll end up hating you because she doesn’t know you and most likely forgive him anyway. Isn’t that how it always goes?
Obviously if it’s been a year since you slept with this guy, he’s not going to call it off with his fiane and come running into your arms.
To break it down for you, you’re Julia Roberts in “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” And we all know how that one ended up – Julia dances off into the sunset with Rupert Everett.
Somehow I don’t think you’re ending is going to be quite as glamorous, but the moral of the story is the same: you’re going home alone.