He Said…She Said

Dear He Said/She Said,

My roommate is in a long-term relationship with a woman I can’t stand. She’s always at our apartment and completely controls him. She tries to boss me around too and has started leaving personal articles everywhere in the apartment. I can’t stand her and don’t know what to do.

-Too much estrogen

He Said…

Every student has identified that one person on campus they find absolutely annoying. Whether it’s a boring professor, an overachieving peer or a continuing education student who always talks about her kids-everyone has an annoyance in their life.

Usually these irritations can be avoided, sadly, yours is sleeping right above you.

I’m sure you’re perplexed as to why your roommate is staying in his relationship. From your point of view, her controlling and diabolical ways are all too obvious.

Unfortunately, sometimes the last person to understand a situation is the one in the relationship. Chances are if he doesn’t recognize a problem, you aren’t going to convince him otherwise. Although it may be difficult to lose him to the dark side, he needs to experience his relationship and decide its fate on his own.

In the meantime, I suggest trying to get to know her. Search for those illusive positive characteristics that seem to be eluding you. Try to understand why your roommate is changing for this person. Remember that the perfect partner or perfect relationship is a lot like sober students at the midnight breakfast-they don’t exist-so analyze the situation realistically.

Perhaps the two of you can enjoy a Pfeiffer date; nothing facilitates bonding like fatty foods and stressed-out students. If you get to know her outside of the confines of your roommate, maybe she can become your friend instead of just your roommate’s girlfriend.

If that doesn’t work, establish some boundaries. First of all, politely ask her to pick up after herself when she visits. Also, inform her that you are capable of making your own decisions and therefore her advice is unnecessary.

If all else fails, you can always joins the “He-Man Woman-Haters Club.” Spanky and Buckwheat are always recruiting.

Ryan Steinbach

She Said…

Issue 13

I know it seems that the best option for this situation would be to talk to your roommate and politely express your current displeasure. However, I really don’t think that’s going to work in this circumstance. It sounds like your roommate is in love and when a man loves a woman…well, we all know what happens next. But the moral of the story is your roommate isn’t going to listen to you, you’ll end up arguing and your friendship might be jeopardized.

No, this calls for something more…some strategy if you will. You need to discredit this girlfriend, really make your roommate see her in her true light, the light that is so apparent to you and everyone else.

Step 1: Start rumors. While this does seem conniving, it is extremely effective. Something along the lines of, “Someone told me she left the bar with so and so, and you know, he’s not exactly a gentleman. I heard they’re more than just friends,” etc.

Step 2: Try to get her irritated about something whenever she is in your room. Only watch TV shows you know she hates, leave the toilet seat up, ask her to cook and clean for you, etc. Within no time, she’ll be one of Pavlov’s dogs and start associating the location with negative feelings. This should cut down on how much you have to deal with her.

Step 3: Start to bring nice, single, attractive, female friends over to hang out with you and your roommate. Hopefully, he’ll take a liking to one of them. When he does, really play up all of her positive attributes. While he’s starting to realize his current love isn’t all he thought, a new fling may seem more appealing and in no time at all, you should be GOLDEN!

If all of the above tactics fail, rent yourself a cope of “Saving Silverman” and start considering kidnapping as a valid option.

Ellie Ankeny