Bad Advice From Leah

Bad Advice From Leah

by Leah JosephsonStaff Writer

Dear Leah,

I knew that my new roommate was a little promiscuous when we decided to live together, but it has gotten out of control. She brings home a different guy almost every night of the week, and I have to lay there and listen to it. I have headphones, but I don’t think I should have to wear them to sleep at night. I don’t want to offend her, so how do I get her to lighten-up on the late night visitors?

-Fed up Sally

Fed up Sally,

You should have known better than to room with someone that you all ready knew to be promiscuous. With that being said, I do understand how annoying that situation can be. My freshman roommate was quite the little hussy, but I managed to keep the number of visitors down with my creative tactics.

The easiest and most plausible advice would be to simply tell her how annoyed you are at her extracurricular activities in the late evening. This would probably result in her feeling embarrassed and getting defensive and then a fight would ensue.

There are much easier and effective ways to get your point across in this situation. I’m a big fan of booby traps myself. By strategically leaving a desk chair in front of the door, there will no doubt be a large and embarrassing crash once they enter. Throw some lunchmeat around the room for confusion purposes. Leave dirty underwear on her bedpost and then leave girly but awkward necessities scattered in the bathroom. Hopefully the male visitor will get disgusted enough to either get turned off and leave or never return to the filthy place.

Another option that I highly recommend is playing the ole case of the extreme “nightmares.” As soon as you hear that annoying smacking noise from their intense making out session, scream at the top of your lungs and shake violently. Shoot up from your bed and claim to be having a terrifying nightmare. This tends to stop the action across the room, but if it doesn’t, just keep repeating the exercise until the desired result occurs.

If the screaming at the top of your lungs gets old, then try the thrashing of the covers while moaning and crying. Chances are the guy who your roommate is with will think you’re crazy and may even tell his friends this, but guys like crazy girls so it doesn’t matter! I mean really… how insensitive would it be for your roommate to get mad at you for having horrible nightmares? It’s not your fault you’re haunted every time she brings a visitor home. No need to thank me, Sally, but everyone likes a compliment.

-Leah Josephson