He said … She said


Dear He Said/She Said,

Last January I met a real cool girl. We hung out all the time and started dating all throughout spring semester. We talked every day during the summer over the phone, but she lives far away and I never got a chance to see her. Well, over the summer, she put on what seems like 40 pounds, and I don’t feel like I have the same desire for her as I did before. What do I do?

– Worried about Arousal

I think what you are saying is that your desire for someone is only measured by whether or not they fit this one image you have in your head. It’s a good thing this column is anonymous or you might never get a date again until you graduate.

Let’s break this down. You said you talked with her on the phone almost every day over the summer. Clearly you two must have had some iota of intellectual compatibility if you could stand talking to each other for that long.

Maybe you should consider what your true feelings are for her. FYI: people don’t gain 40 pounds in three months simply because their diet changed or they stopped exercising. There’s probably something else going on there.

If you discover that maybe this “real cool” girl is someone you have deeper feelings for, how about trying to help her through any problems she might be having.

I hate being the one to lay down the guilt trip, but imagine how it would feel to gain 40 pounds and then lose your boyfriend because he didn’t find you particularly desirable anymore. It would prove to her that a) we were only dating in the first place because he liked the way I looked and b) I must really look bad now. Thank you, Mr. Self-Esteem.

What you really need to do is grow up. Stop being so selfish, and get back in touch with your long lost friend named compassion. It also wouldn’t hurt to possibly think outside your pants once in awhile.

Mackenzie Webb

Yeah, just get rid of her, really cool girls are a dime a dozen. Oh wait, that’s not true at all. I’m hoping to God the reason you desire her less is because that exciting “new” feeling of the relationship has worn off.

Sadly, none of your story points to that. You were talking to this girl every day throughout the summer, so clearly you’ve maintained an interest. You’ve got to grow up and give this girl the same respect you did all summer when you were probably inappropriately thinking about what she looked like in your mind.

If you can’t figure out that she is still the same person, then you really shouldn’t be with her. You should give some other guy a chance to be with her. This new guy probably has a little more appreciation for things beyond the physical and could appreciate just how cool she really is.

Now that you’ve dumped a girl based on her looks, you will realize the error of your ways and go into such a depression you feel you can only eat your way out. After gaining the man-boobies of knowledge and the back fat of experience, you will go out to the world with a new perspective, making connections with people your old, conceited self would have ignored. You won’t be able to believe that all these other guys around you would be foolish enough to ignore all these great women. This all sounds good and well, but beware of the high cholesterol of arrogance.

-Scott Brinkmeyer