Bad Advice From Leah

Bad Advice From Leah

by Leah JosephsonStaff Writer

Dear Leah,

I take the prescription drug Ritalin for my ADHD. My friend has made comments in the past about how much money we could make if we started to sell them around campus. I always just laughed, and was like, “whatever dude.” One night he asked me if he could have one, and we had been drinking, and I thought it was funny, so I gave him one. The next day I went to take my pill and the bottle was like half empty! When I asked him about it he denied taking any, and when I asked my roommate, he didn’t know what happened to them, either. I think my friend stole my pills and is trying to sell them to his friends. I’m really pissed at him but don’t know what to do since when I asked he straight up lied.

-Raging Ritalin

Dear Raging Ritalin,

That is some funny stuff! One of my good friends in high school used to sell Ritalin way overpriced to the stupid freshmen, too.

I think it’s pretty obvious who the culprit is here, even if he doesn’t admit it. Obviously it’s your roommate! He has totally been scoping your Ritalin this whole time but knew if he took some you’d notice and blame him. So he smartly waited for your idiot Ritalin-loving friend to come into the picture.

Dude, I know all evidence points to your friend and not the unsuspecting dork roommate, but haven’t you watched “Law & Order” or “CSI?” It’s never the obvious one.

Now that we know who has the drugs, the question is what do to do next. Does he have any drugs? If he has drugs then take some of his. He probably only has Tums, but the colored ones taste pretty good, and they have a lot of calcium.

You’re going to have to hide your Ritalin, it’s just too tempting for your Ritalin-junkie roommate. Remember to hide it somewhere clever because obviously this guy is smart. You can probably find out who is buying the Ritalin by asking around campus.

There is this huge underground here that feeds off prescription drugs. Check those weird psychology and music majors. They love that stuff. Good luck with relocating your drugs, and give your roommate a high-five for being so sneaky that only I, an avid “Law & Order” and “CSI” viewer, could solve this mystery. The case of the missing Ritalin is closed.

p.s. I bought one off him this morning.

-Leah Josephson