Give Simpson a ‘spin,’ Pat

Give Simpson a 'spin,' Pat

by Mark PleissNews Editor

Dear Mr. Pat Sajak,

I’m writing you this letter for various reasons, but what I truly want is for you to help us achieve a dream.

For the last four years I’ve had to watch game show after game show advertising their always-popular “College Week” where contestants are simple college folk such as myself.

During these miscellaneous deviations from the game-show norm, there’s usually the same predictable crowd:

The blonde from UCLA (or USC); the minority student from Penn; the tall, strapping male engineering student at Rice who had to give up football; and finally, just to sicken me, there’s usually the conceited Yale girl who can’t stop saying “hi” to her sorority sisters.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Getting an annual cross-section of our nation’s rich, smart and typically snobbish youth is always a delightful endeavor. But perhaps this year we can give it a new “spin.”

To you, Mr. Sajak, I propose the first-ever “Iowa Small College Week,” hosted right here at the epicenter of heartland wholesomeness, Simpson College.

Simpson, and our army of synonymous geographical cousins, boast many advantages over larger, more pseudo-prestigious schools. If you haven’t heard (or seen the propaganda), we are of course ranked a valiant eighth in U.S. News’ America’s Best Colleges for Midwestern Bachelor’s Degrees.

Unofficially, we also boast one of the best-looking campuses in the Midwest and possibly the entire country, ever.

Simpson students have long been regarded as spunky, comical and even downright nutty, which ideally matches us with the same cheery ignoramuses the show is most accustomed to.

And finally, we also carry a strong appeal to Midwestern America. Viewers from around the country will love to see smart, hard-working kids who are neither too smart nor too hardworking for their own self-absorbed good.

Simpson College represents the sons and daughters of every mother and father in America; let’s show them what we’re capable of.

And the advertisers will eat it up.

Obviously, there’ll be a few mechanical situations we’ll have to work out. I’m not sure the WheelMobile would fit on West Clinton Street very well, but the community is willing to make changes. We’ll widen the pavement, smooth out the rocks and lower the hills for the coming of our WheelMobile.

And finally, let’s be honest, Pat. You’ve got a great show, and you’ve been on the air for a long time, but yours is one of the few shows that could do “Transient Week” and have it still probably work.

(And that’s not complimenting Alex Trebek. I think he’s a jerk–him and his accents.)

So when considering between next year’s “College Week,” Mr. Sajak, remember this little ditty: The Road to Wheel Runs Through Indianola.

Come on, give us a “spin.”