I looked on my friend’s computer history and saw he was looking at gay porn. It’s been awkward because I just want him to come out. What do I do?

-A concerned friend

WHAT DO YOU DO?!? Love that stuff up, man. You’ve gotta take advantage of this. I mean, it’s not everyday that you get the experience of living with someone who could teach you so much. Don’t be scared, though. If he hasn’t tried anything yet, I doubt he’ll try to get on you. One common misconception is that all gay guys are interested in every guy they see. Let’s be honest…you probably don’t meet his standards.

Nonetheless, if I were you, I would just plain out ask him. Be a man – it’s time to get serious. Sit him down and tell him you don’t care-you just want to know. Don’t be pissed if he doesn’t answer, though, because really deep down you do care and you want to know. I would want to know.

Whatever you do, don’t be like my mom and say you can bring anyone you want home…ANYONE! I laughed for a good couple of days after she told me that.

Another question you need to ask yourself is, are you gay yourself? Are you just really excited to find out about him because it would be an easy way for you to come out? It’s cool, man. No one cares. It doesn’t change who anyone else is. It might not be that fun at Simpson, but you’ve always got Des Moines 15 minutes away.

What it comes down to is:

1. If you’re really comfortable with your sexuality then his sexuality shouldn’t make a difference.

2. If you’re gay yourself, sweet, more power to you. Most girls feel more comfortable around openly gay men anyway.

3. Look at this as an experiment. Test it out. Maybe he could help you “find yourself.”

Although National Coming Out Day has come and gone, it’s never too late to not be straight.

-Zachary Robert Rus

What? First of all I don’t think the issue is your friend, it’s you. What are you doing on your friend’s computer snooping around? You have caused this awkwardness between you and your friend that can’t be addressed.

Good relationships are based on trust. By you violating your friend’s personal space and intruding on things that they obviously didn’t want anyone to know, you’ve damaged your friendship. This makes me think, if they’re gay it’s been your behavior that makes them feel like they can’t trust you with this secret.

Then I began to think about how many times in my pointless surfs online I’ve tried to find something and ended up getting something completely different. It only takes the addition or omission of a letter that can quickly send you somewhere else. So there’s always the chance that though the sites were on his computer it was merely an accident that they ended up there.

If there were several different selected pornography Web sites or sites revisited on different occasions in the history of the computer, then my previous guess would be less likely. You can’t force someone to “come out of the closet.” If he’s gay and he chooses not to lead a life that makes him most happy, then indeed that is a tragic thing. I think as a friend possessing this information, the only thing you can do is be supportive of other gay people and be careful not to say anything that might make your friend feel uncomfortable.

Hopefully, if your friend see this support and acceptance he will someday feel comfortable enough to confide in you. But until that day comes, quit snooping around and love your friend for the person he is, not for who he might choose to have a relationship with.

-Ashley Van Alstine