How To find Five costumes in Five Minutes

by Scott BrinkmeyerStaff Writer

Classic Ghost

This one is so obvious, it’s almost original again. There’s really something to be said for this old standard. It reignites the excitement of mystery in who hides behind the costume. Really, unless you have an extremely atypical body type, you could really have people fooled all night. Obviously the number of holes, if any, is completely up to you. With the bottom open for breathing and Jedi-like sensory perception, you might not need any at all. Maybe you just need one hole for drinks. If you really think you need eye holes, the opportunity to wear your own choice of sunglasses allows you to personalize the costume.

Chair Turtle

Surely you have seen the chairs that are a stand and a removable half-circle frame and cushion? Lacking an understanding of their official title, I have always opted to call them inside-out mushroom chairs. If you remove the half-circle, inside-out mushroom top, you might realize it makes a convincing turtle shell. If you do not realize this, I am currently telling you it makes a good turtle shell. If you simply apply some 24-hour adhesive, if such a thing exists, you will find yourself a turtle. If said adhesive does not exist, you will have to crawl.

Toilet Paper Mummy

The concept of this costume is pretty self-explanatory. You take a standard roll of toilet paper and mummify yourself. Don’t worry about the historically-accurate practices of organ removal and accompanying animal burial, just have fun with it. The most important consideration with this costume is the thickness of your toilet paper. Your thicker toilet papers will undoubtedly see you through the night. The fact that thinner toilet papers will disappear with moisture might offer easy clean-up. Either way, the functionality of this costume in terms of small spills or other unexpected messes cannot be overestimated.

Adam or Eve

Simpson community, autumn is upon us. There are costume opportunities jumping off trees at every moment. When you look at your children’s books of Adam and Eve, what are they wearing? They are wearing leaves. A costume made of leaves, you ask? Isn’t that even less practical than any of the other ridiculous options? May I remind you that practicality leaves the room when issues of time enter? You don’t have to wear a costume only of leaves, although I encourage you to be so brazen. You can choose your own method of adhesive.

Electronics Shelf

Probably the least-conventional of all the costumes, this one actually results in a profit of sorts. You simply have to walk around stealing DVD players, or to a less-adventurous extent, VCR’s. If you get caught leaving a room with electronic-of-choice in tote, you simply have to explain that you just left a great Halloween party and, as briefly as possible, explain your costume. The verification of this party should allow the perfect amount of time to make a mad dash with your loved one’s future Christmas present.