Many people come to college looking for a good time. They want to go out, meet new people, drink and have fun.
This environment usually doesn’t lead to serious relationships. What it can lead to is “friends with benefits.” Friends with benefits isn’t a random hookup nor is it a dating relationship, it is somewhere in between.
This kind of relationship- or lack thereof- is for people who like the person enough to hook-up with them often, but aren’t looking for a serious relationship or are still exploring other options.
Friends with benefits may seem like the perfect solution to college life, but it can lead to trouble.
Sure, friends with benefits seem like a great idea. You get to enjoy all of the benefits of a relationship without the emotional baggage, but it can lead to heartache.
If you do decide to embark on a friends with benefits relationship you must first establish some ground rules for you and your partner. This may seem like a stupid and awkward step, but if you don’t establish any rules, you won’t know what the other person wants out of the relationship and that can be dangerous.
One person might be hoping that the time together turns into a serious relationship while the other person just wants a steady booty call. Even with a set of rules, a friends with benefits relationship almost never ends amicably.
With “benefiting,” there are always feelings- whether of comfort or love. Someone often wants more, or gets jealous or hurt.
Humans are not robots; they can’t turn off their emotions, and there are a lot of emotions involved when you are benefiting with someone. When you spend time with someone you like and are hooking up with, it is very natural to develop strong feelings for him or her, but often your partner doesn’t feel the same way. Which leads me to a harsh yet truthful statement: He (or she) is just not that into you.
If your friend wanted to be in a relationship with you, he or she would be in a relationship with you. Your partner is in a friends with benefits relationship with you because he or she likes you, but not enough to be dating you.
Occasionally, friends with benefits can lead to a serious relationship, but those occurrences are few and far between. Most of the time, you are waiting for your friend to tell you that he or she wants to be in a serious relationship with you, but life isn’t a fairy tale and this ending rarely happens.
Your best bet is that if you like someone, don’t agree to be in a friends with benefits relationship in the hopes that this will one day turn into an actual relationship. Instead, go out there and find someone who does want to be with you, don’t wait around for a person who doesn’t realize how amazing you are.
The safest bet is to stay away from friends with benefits, but if you do decide to go a head with a benefits relationship, just be careful.