Okay, procrastinating singles, face it. It’s Valentine’s Day and you may be indulging in a little bit of self-pity. While your friends who are engaged or otherwise spoken for are stolen away for the evening by their significant others, there’s a definite possibility you may find yourself venturing into the world of e-dating. Promises of harmony through computer-aided matchmaking may seem like a viable option tonight, but let us assure you, they’re not.

Instead of pouring your soul onto a profile page and taking your chances with a shady single, visit www.poormatch.com, an e-mock of contemporary dating sites. Beautifully honest profiles such as “Suffocator” reveal promises to “love you like you’ve never been loved before…surround and drown you in affection… and text you 10-15 times an hour.” Procrastinating the night away perusing this parody site may be just the shot of reality you need to be reminded that, not only is online romance a bit kitschy, there’s a whole world of singles out there not on the Internet, but equally as miserable as you on this night.