I have recently determined that I am destined to be forever single.
There was a time in my life where it was simply a slight fear and a glimmer of hope managed to faintly glow in the back of my mind, keeping me hopeful that someday I may indeed find the perfect mate. But due to recent events, I will be dying sad and alone.
However, I absolutely refuse to become a crazy cat lady. Instead I will be one of those fabulously rich gay uncles. The one that always smells and dresses nice and has an amazing house. The one who, when you were 10, you asked mom why he didn’t have a wife and mom just turned red and got flustered, not knowing how to answer the question. I will be that uncle.
We’ll start my explanation as to why I’m destined for single-dom with the first person I’ve ever “loved.”
To make a long story short, after dealing with him I swore off men and thought relationships were the stupidest things ever.
Then along came Jordan. Who, of course, I thought would work out. He was the first person I had started to hang out with and consider potential material, and I was excited. Well, after a few weeks of hanging out, daily texting, phone calls and etc. His responses stopped and I was left with a slap in the face wondering what happened.
Take Jordan, multiply it be two or three more men, and that has been my abysmal dating existence. I meet someone. I think he’s great, and he seems to think I’m great. We flirt, we hang out, etc. and then bam, either the, “I just want to be friends” line, or no line at all, and just a cloud of dust.
Following every one of these let downs, the usual reaction ensues. I hate myself for a few days, wondering what I did that drove him away. I’m pissy and despise all relationships, while secretly being bitter that nothing seems to ever actually work out for me. My friends play their role and remind me that he’s the stupid one and that I’m attractive, talented, fun and awesome, and that the right guy will eventually come along.
Well, about a month ago a new guy came into the picture. We met through a mutual friend and started hanging out and he was great. He came down to Simpson to see me and paid for everything. Even during the times I argued with him, he was cute and I once again actually saw this one working. But then there was an issue.
This thing was actually really working. I could tell he was genuinely interested in me. I was thinking I was interested in him, and I suddenly realized that I was now scared of a relationship.
For the last 21 years, I have lived the fun, single life where I could flirt, make out and hang out with whomever. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to be a good boyfriend, and I didn’t know the correct protocol for things. So then I started wondering if I wanted to date someone.
I mean I am a busy person. I’m taking 18 credits this semester, have a handful of weekly activity meetings, and I work two part-time jobs. Do I really have the time and energy to devote to making sure someone else is happy as well?
And this is why I’ve decided I’m going to be single forever. Every time I find the guy I think would be great to date and do the whole boyfriend thing with, he ditches me. And when I finally find a guy who’s willing to stick around and date me, I run, a scared, fickle human being.
This is the first column in “Dating…or lack thereof, with Drew.” It will be dedicated to me talking about anything exciting that does happen in my dating life, advice I attempt to provide and anything else I can think of that falls under the dating category.