“You’re Not Sorry.” “All By Myself.” “Need U Bad.” “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.” “Who’s Gonna Love You?”

We’re obsessed. Addicted. Infatuated. Falling in love is hip. The thing to do. Separating the haves from the have-nots. Where do you fall? Or better yet, is there anyone to pick you back up? If not, then Happy Valentine’s Day to you.

“Seduces Me.” “I Will Always Love You.” “Who I am Hates Who I’ve been.” “Let It Be.” “Divine.”

Roses and chocolates, cards and hearts. And ugly, little pictures of some scantily-clad guy with a weapon. Whoa, hold on. That doesn’t really fit in. When I think of love, I typically don’t dream of round little dudes in what look like diapers, and I certainly don’t fantasize about being shot by an arrow. Sure, love can be painful. And I suppose an arrow could, in a way, break your heart. But I typically categorize hostile machinery with war, not love. Dear cupid: you might be better suited on the battle front. There’s a good chance you’ll be the only putto, but then again, you can fly.

“I’m Not Your Boyfriend, Baby. Make You Feel My Love. The One I’m Waiting For.”

If Feb. 14 is a great day for Hallmark and jewelers, then what’s a good day for the sale of armaments? Cupid probably knows. I’m guessing that the king-or child, rather-of the bow would probably like to add a hate day to the holiday list. I mean, after all, it’s pretty campy to use his lead-headed, hate-inspiring arrows on the annual celebration of love. Hmmm…I think we might be on to something. Love day for the gold-tipped arrows, and a separate hate day for the other ones. Any takers?

“I’d Wait a Million Years.” “Be Without You. Touch Me.” “Too Late.” “We Belong Together.”

Love is like glue sticks. Sometimes it sticks, and sometimes it doesn’t. Cross your fingers and apply pressure. Love is like ripping off a bandage. Sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it’s not so bad. Cross your fingers and pick a pace. Love is like that photo you tried to take of yourself. Sometimes it’s beautiful, and sometimes it’s ugly. Cross your fingers and practice your aim.

“Come Home.” “I’m Doing Everything for You.” “Has Anybody Seen My Man?”

How’s it going? Is she gushing for gold? Is he corporate and cold? Are you waiting for her edges to soften? Is he draining you softly? Roses and fancy dinners are expensive. Take a moment to make sure it’s worth it. (Go ahead-this article will still be here when you’re done pondering.)

“Let It Go.” “Would You Go With Me?” “All I Need.” “Love Me Dead.” “Can’t Help But Wait.”

If you have found the one and can’t wait to grow old, then I’m happy for you. Celebrate your hopefully exclusive bond and make it special. I hear that cupid’s mischievous heart can be melted, so make that your goal. Succeed at making him wilt, and you may avoid a lead-topped arrow. Good luck. If you’re not hanging on an arm, then beware of those gold-tipped arrows-unless you’re desperate. In that case, fake tears might work.

“Rock Me Gently.” “Kiss the girl.” “I don’t care.” “I don’t want it.”

Roses are red. Violets are blue. What does Valentine’s Day mean to you? Hint: pick a song.