Before we delve into my newest topic of conversation in this week’s column, I want to add a disclaimer. While my topic was inspired from the events of this past weekend, it is not the result of them.

This past weekend, a friend of mine brought one of her friend’s to campus to visit and wanted me to meet him. We’d talked about him previously, and she thought we’d be a good match, but he had never made it down to visit, and he was also seeing someone else at the time.

But now he’s single and was on campus and so we hung out a bit.

What excludes this weekend’s example from being the blunt of this weeks rant, is that my friend and I are actually friends. She’s known me, I’ve known her and she’s also known him for quite awhile, so when she said, “I think you’d be a cute match,” she actually has legitimate reasoning to think so because she knows both of us. Unlike the people who meet me and say “OMG, I have a gay friend, you’d be cute together,” which is the rant of this week’s column.

While their intentions mean well, straight people, women in particular, tend to think that all gay men will look cute together. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve just met someone and as soon as they find out I’m gay, they get excited and tell me that they have the perfect man for me.

Here’s the deal. Just like straight people, the gays too have their “types” and that type isn’t “penis.” Well at least for most of us. Just like how some men like their women short and blonde or brunette or whatever, gays have preferences on the physical attributes as well as personality traits of those they wish to court.

The type I go for tends to vary. In general, I’m attracted to the pretty boy who dresses nice and smells good. He’s the guy who likes to go out and have fun and who can handle someone who can tend to be whiney and needy. They need to be intelligent, competent and have some sort of goal in life. However, all this is subject to change and that’s why I hate question ,”What kind of guys are you into?”

I think what annoys me the most about people who tell me they have a gay friend that’s perfect for me is that it usually comes from someone I’ve just met and barely know.

For example, about a month ago, I started working at a new restaurant in West Des Moines. Three days into training, this woman I work with who’s probably in her mid 40’s begins our conversation with the statement:

“Now don’t get offended, but I have a question.”

I knew right then that the next question was going to be “Are you gay?” and it was. She followed that with;

“Oh, gawd honey. Then I have just the boy for you.”

Turns out her boy was some 18-year-old, scrawny little twink, who she swears is the hottest thing ever.

Here’s the thing. I don’t even consider dating guys who are younger than me, I like men with meat on their bones and 9 times out of 10, when someone swears to me her gay friend is hot, he’s not.

Can you imagine how ridiculous it would be if everytime I meet someone new and found out they were straight, I swore to them I had the perfect person for them. I guarantee I would have a success rate of less than zero. There’s a lot more that goes into dating other than just happening to like boys or girls.

And it’s not that I’m not flattered by the well intentions of those who try to set me up with their friends, I appreciate the thought. It’s just annoying because usually our personalities don’t click and he’s not cute (once again, this weekend doesn’t count. He was fun and he was cute. Just an FYI).

So next time you meet a new gay person and immediately want to hook them up, don’t.

Remember that we too have our “types” and standards, and remember that just because we’re gay, doesn’t mean we’ll fit.