Dear Drew and Meridith, I went on a spring break trip with one of my good guy friends. We ended up hooking up. Now that we’re back, he wants to continue our little night of fun, but I just want to be friends. What do I do?
He Said…I would like to begin by congratulating you on having a successful spring break and getting some action while having fun in the sun. Some of us weren’t that lucky and spent our break waiting tables and having to resort to hanging out with Rosey Palm.The fact that he’s a good friend definitely makes your situation a little stickier, and not in a good way. The easiest way out of this situation is if this hookup occurred when you were drunk. Then you can just apologize to him and let him know you were just drunk and horny. Just say that you’re sorry for the mess, but you just wanted that “WAM – BAM-thank-you-MA’AM” session, and that’s it. Then both of you can go back to being friends, and it’s all good.If you hooked up with him when you were sober, it’s a bit tougher. Now if you tell him you just wanted a little booty, you sound like a whore. Obviously, the most responsible thing to do would be to sit him down and talk with him and explain yourself, but that can get messy. I’m not going to be held responsible, so I don’t really suggest that.You could always just start avoiding him. While it does get a little difficult to do on a campus like Simpson, it’s not impossible. Since you’re good friends, you probably already know where he tends to hang out and study and what time he’s usually in Pfeiffer, so you should really have no major problems. Use homework or your part-time job (if you have one) as an excuse as to why you’ve been so distant.You could also find a boyfriend. Then there’s really no explanation that needs to occur. If you start dating someone, it will be obvious that things can’t go further between the two of you and you don’t have to say anything. If you start having your boyfriend over all the time and talking about how amazing your new squeeze is whenever you’re with your friend, he’ll get the hint and drop his pursuit.Or, you could play nice and keep him around for future nights when you need a little booty. Maybe he really just wants a friend with benefits situation as well and is only trying to push it because he assumes you feel the same way. If that’s the case, everyone wins.
She Said…While I could start with the fact that you probably should have thought about this one before hooking up with your “good friend,” I’m not really one to preach. But, you should probably remedy the situation as fast as you possibly can. The first thing you should tell him is, “Thanks, but no thanks.” You should be pretty nice about this one if you are planning on keeping him as a friend. I’m sure that nothing is better for a boy’s self-esteem than sleeping with a girl and then having her tell him that she’s “just not that into you,” so you may want to think about how you approach the conversation. You should tell him as soon as possible that there isn’t going to be any relationship with you, especially if he already thinks that he has developed some sort of feelings for you. Be very clear in what you say to him, maybe some sort of conversation that includes that you had an amazing time and he’s great and wonderful, but you don’t want it to ruin your friendship and blah, blah, blah. Despite the fact that this is probably the most cliché thing you could possibly say, chances are he has already heard it before, or may have even used it already on some other girl.You must be very forward with him so that he understands that you are not interested in anything more with him. Maybe insert a good, “It’s not you it’s me,” just to help his ego a little bit. It makes you look like the bad guy, but it might make him feel a little less rejected by a “good friend.” Give him the opportunity to say what he wants to you. That way, if he needs to yell at you or cry or whatever to get over it, he can. You never know, he might even understand. Rarely do people want to develop relationships with someone they “hooked up” with. End it with a good “there’s lots of other fish in the sea,” you’re just not his fish and perhaps he should look in another pond. The key is to then never let it happen again. Obviously you are good at something, because one time with you and he’s ready for more. So don’t make that mistake again. The second time it is going to be a lot harder to convince him that you aren’t interested in him.